We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
