I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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