just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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