So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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