if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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