dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
