Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
try to milk me bitch
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
