Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
