What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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