The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
