I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
