No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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