Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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