He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
