she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
