saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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