OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
