i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
