happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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