There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
