If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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