I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
