we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
