we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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