I feel like I'm in dance class right now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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