there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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