it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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