At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
