YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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