The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Text me some of your sweat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
