i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
