Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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