I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
