Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
