he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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