Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
