Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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