Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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