i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
