apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
