Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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