I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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