Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
