So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
