Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
