you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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