My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
