they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
