Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
