I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
