know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
